Lifelong Friendships Formed While Traveling: Part 2

Saying yes to a 7-day Alaskan Cruise back in 2007 was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. It was the start of 4 friendships that opened my eyes to the world in very different ways.

This is Part 2 of 4-parts, telling the story of my friendship with Mulan. Parts 1, 3, and 4 will be about my friendship with Sonic (Mulan’s cousin), Elsa (Sonic’s wife), and Swift (Mulan’s husband and Sonic’s best friend).

One of my deepest impressions of Mulan happened at the cruise ship gym. I’d spotted her running full speed on the treadmill and walked over to say Hello. Walking closer, I saw that there was no trace of tiredness on her face, yet the treadmill timer showed that she’d been running for nearly an hour. Mulan looked determined, driven, and focused. I remember being in awe of her athleticism.

I happened to be at the gym, a place I’ve always gone out of my way to avoid, only because my ex-boyfriend, Everquest, said that the yoga class is easy. He also added that I’d eaten a lot at the buffet and it’s best I work it off. Additionally, he’d be right next to me to encourage me. I reluctantly agreed.

30 minutes into yoga, I gave up. I didn’t have the stamina back then to keep up, so I sat on the sidelines and waited for Everquest to finish the hour-long class. During yoga, Mulan was still on the treadmill, running at full speed. She’d stopped only when the timer hit 2 hours and then sat down next to me to chat.

As soon as yoga ended, Everquest came over and started his spiel on how nobody in that entire class gave up except me. He then pointed to Mulan and said, “Mulan is able to run for two hours straight and you can’t even stretch for an hour. Why are you so weak and lazy?” I didn’t say anything to defend myself. Weak and lazy were words I was used to hearing about myself from my parents, relatives, and Everquest.

During the week-long Alaskan cruise, the near-weekly gatherings in the following year, and another week-long trip to Jamaica, Everquest would constantly compare me to Mulan and find me lacking. He very much admired her dedication to going to the gym, her cooking, her organization and cleanliness, and her budgeting abilities. He wanted me to have those qualities too, but he also reminded me to not pick up on what he considered Mulan’s flaws. Everquest felt she was bossy, outspoken, and did not give men “face.” He particularly disliked how Mulan will not back down when she feels she is correct.

I remember saying to him that I think Mulan is wonderful. That I like her exactly as she is, that I wish I had the courage to be more like her, and most of all I wish to have a relationship like hers and Swift. Back in 2007, I’d thought Swift was the most respectful, romantic, and empathetic out of all my friends’ boyfriends.

Eventually, I think Everquest got tired of hearing me speak about how wonderful Mulan and Swift’s relationship was. So he broke up with me and told me to move out the same day. I still remember the look of shock on his face when I immediately called Mulan and asked her to help me move out and started packing. I didn’t understand Everquest’s shock back then. It was only months later, when Everquest asked me to get back together, he told me that he asked to break up to “teach me a lesson.” He’d never intended it to be permanent.

Within an hour, Mulan arrived. Together we moved my stuff out of the apartment Everquest and I shared. During the car ride to my parents, she told me to remain strong, and that to call her if I needed anything. I thanked her for coming to get me immediately, and she said, “Anytime you need me, I’m here for you, Kelly.” It’s a line she would often say to me in the following years.

Looking back, it was all the things Mulan said and did between 2007 and 2009 that gave me the courage to leave the relationship. If it wasn’t for Mulan pointing out over and over that I didn’t have to put up with Everquest constantly criticizing me, I might have always thought I was at fault. That I deserved to be lectured because I was not as smart, athletic, or earned as much money as Everquest. As Mulan says, “Nobody deserves to be talked to in that way.”

Mulan championed and encouraged me to grow because as she puts it, “Kelly, you are the most naive person I’d ever met. At first, I thought you were pretending, but after getting to know you, you really are. That’s why I decided to help you.”

Recently, I told Mulan, that in writing about her, I got really emotional and started to cry. I’m super touched by how encouraging she is. That I’m grateful to have met her. That I didn’t understand why she is so good to me.

Mulan’s response was, “From the beginning, it was effortless to be your friend. The conversation we had with each over just flowed. Doesn’t require much thinking.” That she can say anything with and to me. That she can be herself.

I’m so glad Mulan feels this way because that’s the way I’d feel about her! Anytime she needs me, I’ll be there for her too.

P.S. Mulan is still in amazing shape. During this winter blizzard, she shoveled the sidewalk for 5 of her elderly neighbors. 😲

P.P.S. Thanks to Swift for taking, storing, and sharing all the pics. 🤗